When we were in Sri Lanka recently we took a 6 hour train journey through the mountains, all the doors were open for people to hang out of as it slowly climbed up and around the mountains. The views were incredible on the side looking out and down the hillside, for part of the journey I stood in the doorway on the opposite side. The view was not as breathtaking here but I found myself crying as I saw tea pickers on a tea plantation, hand picking tea leaves, the colours of their clothes standing out for miles against the bright green of the tea bushes. I wasn't sure why I was crying at first but then thoughts of others popped into my head, my Dad, who died when I was 15, who would have loved this sight - he loved steam trains, my friend who had just lost her Husband suddenly to cancer, my Mum and my Sister who were both going through stressful times, I felt as though I was crying their tears. This had been the first time I had cried for a long time and after some thought I had an important realisation - My heart was healed, and full...full enough to feel the pain of others.
Two years ago I met a wonderful woman, who is now a dear friend. I was at first astounded by her generosity of spirit, her positivity and enthusiasm for everything, even rotten situations she could turn around and put a positive spin on them. She seemed to have time and love for everyone and always saw good in people and she had endless patience with her children. I realised that she was so happy and grounded in her own life, meaning her heart was full to the brim, overspilling with joy and love, enough to share with others. At this time my heart was almost empty, what joy I had I had to hold on to and savour to help myself carry on. Being selfish can often be a coping mechanism, a necessity even, when depressed or anxious. I started to aspire to having a full heart like my friend, I didn't know how I'd get there but recognising it was the first step.
The past two years have been such a - for want of a better word - journey and in the process my heart has been slowly filling up again, and that moment on the train I suddenly realised, I'd got there. What a great place to be in when embarking on Adoption!
One thing that has helped me a great deal is Mindfulness and whilst in Sri Lanka I saw how the roots to this lie in Buddhism. I bought a wonderful book called 'Opening the door to your heart' whilst out there. The other day I read this short passage which really resonates and I thought I'd share it:
Two years ago I met a wonderful woman, who is now a dear friend. I was at first astounded by her generosity of spirit, her positivity and enthusiasm for everything, even rotten situations she could turn around and put a positive spin on them. She seemed to have time and love for everyone and always saw good in people and she had endless patience with her children. I realised that she was so happy and grounded in her own life, meaning her heart was full to the brim, overspilling with joy and love, enough to share with others. At this time my heart was almost empty, what joy I had I had to hold on to and savour to help myself carry on. Being selfish can often be a coping mechanism, a necessity even, when depressed or anxious. I started to aspire to having a full heart like my friend, I didn't know how I'd get there but recognising it was the first step.
The past two years have been such a - for want of a better word - journey and in the process my heart has been slowly filling up again, and that moment on the train I suddenly realised, I'd got there. What a great place to be in when embarking on Adoption!
One thing that has helped me a great deal is Mindfulness and whilst in Sri Lanka I saw how the roots to this lie in Buddhism. I bought a wonderful book called 'Opening the door to your heart' whilst out there. The other day I read this short passage which really resonates and I thought I'd share it:
"A Truck Load Of Dung
Unpleasant things happen in life. They happen to everyone. The only difference between a happy person and one who gets depressed is how they respond to disasters.
Imagine you have just had a wonderful afternoon at the beach with a friend. When you return home, you find a huge truck-load of dung has been dumped right in front of your door. There are three things to know about this truck-load of dung:
1. You did not order it. It's not your fault.
2.Youre stuck with it. No one saw who dumped it, so you cannot call anyone to take it away.
3. It is filthy and offensive, and its stench fills your whole house. It is almost impossible to endure.
In this metaphor, the truck-load of dung in front of the house stands for the traumatic experiences that are dumped on us in life. As with the truck-load of dung, there are three things to know about tragedy in our life:
1.We did not order it. We say 'Why me?'
2. We're stuck with it. No one, not even our best friends, can take it away (though they may try).
3. It is so awful, such a destroyer of our happiness, and its pain fills our whole life. It is almost impossible to endure.
There are two ways of responding to being stuck with a truck-load of dung. The first way is to carry the dung around with us. We put some in our pockets, some in our bags, and some up our shirts. We even put some down our pants. We find when we carry dung around, we lose a lot of friends! Even best friends don't seem to be around so often.
'carrying around the dung' is a metaphor for sinking into depression, negativity or anger. It is a natural and understandable response to adversity. But we lose a lot of friends, because it is also natural and understandable that our friends don't like being around us when we're so depressed. Moreover, the pile of dung gets no less, but the smell gets worse as it ripens.
Fortunatley, theres a second way. When we are dumped with a truck-load of dung, we heave a sigh, and then get down to work. Out comes the wheelbarrow, the fork and the spade. We fork the dung into the barrow, wheel it around the back of the house, and dig it into the garden. This is tiring and difficult work, but we know there is no other option. Sometimes, all we can manage is half a barrow a day. We're doing something about the problem, rather than complaining our way into depression. Day after day we dig into the dung. Day after day the pile gets smaller. Sometimes it takes several years, but the morning does come when we see that the dung in front of our house is all gone. Furthermore, a miracle has happened in another part of our house. The flowers in our garden are bursting out in a richness of colour all over the place. Their fragrance wafts down the street so that the neighbours, and even passers by, smile in delight. Then the fruit tree in the corner is nearly falling over, It's so heavy with fruit. And the fruit is so sweet; you can't buy anything like it. There's so much of it that we are able to share it with our neighbours. Even passers by get a delicious taste of the miracle fruit.
Digging the dung is a metaphor for welcoming the tragedies as fertiliser for life. It is work that we have to do alone; no one can help us here. But by digging it into the garden of our heart, day by day, the pile of pain gets less and less. It may take us several years, but the morning does come when we see no more pain in our life and, in our heart, a miracle has happened. Flowers of kindness are bursting out all over the place, and the fragrance of love wafts way down our street, to our neighbours, to our relations and even to passers by. Then our wisdom tree in the corner is bending down to us, loaded with sweet insights into the nature of our life. We share those delicious fruits freely, even with passers by, without ever planning to.
When we have known tragic pain, learnt its lesson and grown our garden, then we can put our arms around another in deep tragedy and say softly ' I Know'. They realise we do understand. Compassion begins. We show them the wheel barrow, the fork and the spade, and boundless encouragement. If we haven't grown our own garden yet, this can't be done...Perhaps the moral of this story is that if you want to be of service to the world, if you wish to follow the path of compassion, then the next time a traedy occurs in your life, you may say ' whoopee! More fertiliser for my garden!"
Opening the door of Your Heart - Ajahn Brahm.